The Happiness Experts
When I was working with a team of researchers studying human well-being, one of them shared a fascinating insight. He'd seen numerous studies showing that people in their seventies, eighties, and beyond were happier than younger people - even though they faced more physical challenges and declining health.
What were these older adults' secrets to happiness? The researchers decided to find out by interviewing hundreds of people over the age of 70. The key lesson that emerged? Life is short! As one respondent put it, "The older the respondent, the more likely they were to say that life passes by in what seems like an instant."
When elders tell younger people that life is short, they're not being macabre or pessimistic. They're instead trying to offer a perspective that they hope will inspire better decisions---ones that prioritize the things that really matter.
Time is the ultimate currency of life. The implications of managing the short time we have on earth are like those of managing any scarce resource: you have to use it wisely---in a way that prioritizes what's most important.
What Matters Most?
So what were the most important things according to the people the researchers interviewed? The top lessons included:
- Say things now to people you care about---whether it's expressing gratitude, asking forgiveness, or getting important information.
- Spend the maximum amount of time with your children.
- Savor daily pleasures instead of waiting for "big-ticket items" to make you happy.
- Work in a job you love.
- Choose your mate carefully; don't just rush in.
The list of things they said weren't important was equally revealing:
- None said that to be happy you should work as hard as you can to get money.
- None said it was important to be as wealthy as the people around you.
- None said you should choose your career based on its earning potential.
- None said they regretted not getting even with someone who slighted them.
And the biggest regret people had? Worrying about things that never happened: "Worrying wastes your life," one respondent said.
"In my 89 years, I've learned that happiness is a choice---not a condition."
The elders make the key distinction between events that happen to us, on the one hand, and our internal attitude toward happiness, on the other. Happy in spite of. Happiness is not a passive condition dependent on external events, nor is it the result of our personalities---just being born a happy person. Instead, happiness requires a conscious shift in outlook, in which one chooses---daily---optimism over pessimism, hope over despair.
The more we age, the more we come to see things the way Marcus Aurelius (opens in a new tab) did: "When you are distressed by an external thing, it's not the thing itself that troubles you, but only your judgment of it. And you can wipe this out at a moment's notice."
This insight has dramatic implications. It places happiness on a continuum with other decisions we've talked about. Imagine that: all the decisions that make up your career and personal life ultimately add up to an overall decision to be happy. You can decide what to pursue in life. You can decide what's a priority for you. You can decide to channel your time, energy, and other resources toward things that really matter in the end.