Memento Mori
Shifting our perspective to the end of life can help us gain insight into what really matters. It can help us become wiser. When we look back at the present through the lens of our life ending, the fears and desires that occupy our attention in the present moment get pushed aside to make room for things that have greater meaning for our lives as a whole.
This shift in our perspective allows us to turn our future hindsight into our current foresight. It gives us a map we can use to navigate into the future.
The Regrets of the Dying
We regret the things we didn't do more than the things we did. The pain of trying and failing may be intense but at least it tends to be over rather quickly. The pain of failing to try, on the other hand, is less intense but never really goes away.
A famous study by palliative nurse Bronnie Ware identified the top five regrets of the dying. The most common regret was "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." Other top regrets included not expressing feelings, working too hard, not staying in touch with friends, and not allowing oneself to be happier.
Shifting Priorities
Possessions become less important for what they are than for what they enable. I'm guessing that, in the thought exercise, you didn't think of your house as an investment. If it came to mind, it was probably in the context of the relationships and the memories---the family dinners, the laughs, the tears, the parties, the time you stayed in bed all day with your partner, the board game battles, the marks in the doorway that recorded how tall your kids were at each age.
I'm guessing you didn't think of the time you watched Breaking Bad, The Mandalorian, or The Bachelor. You probably didn't think of all the time you spent commuting and the extra podcasts or audiobooks you got to listen to. Perhaps you thought instead about how at least some of that time could have been used connecting with family and friends, or writing that book you always wanted to write.
You might remember the times you fell short of the person you wanted to be---we all have done so at one point or another. Perhaps it was the time you sent an inappropriate email, or the time you lost control of your emotions and yelled at someone you love.
Or perhaps it was the time someone said they needed you, and you were too busy with your own priorities to help.
You might think of the impact---or lack of it---that you had on your community, your city, your country, or the world. You might think of your health.
In the end, everyday moments matter more than big prizes. Tiny delights over big bright lights.
Hindsight and Foresight
Evaluating your life through the lens of your death is raw, powerful, and perhaps a bit scary. What matters most becomes clear. We become aware of the gap between who we are and who we want to be.
Initially, what comes to mind are the things I want to do for others. Was I there when the people I love needed me? Did I make time for the people closest to me? Am I the partner that I want to be---loving, supportive, and true to my hopelessly romantic and cheesy side? Was I a good father? Did I travel and see the world? Could people count on me? Was I an active participant in the community? Did I help people accomplish their dreams? Did I leave the world a better place?
When you know the destination, how to get there becomes clearer. As Aristotle says, "Knowledge of the best good carries great weight for knowing the best way to live: if we know it, then like archers who have a target to aim at, we are more likely to hit the right mark."
Step 1
If this were your final year of life, would you be living the same way you are today?
Step 2
When you imagine your older self and what you want your life to look like in hindsight, you stop thinking about the small things that encourage you to be reactive instead of proactive. You start to see what actually matters to you.
For instance, after doing this thought experiment, I've started eating better, sleeping more, and exercising regularly. Why? Because in order to live to ninety and do all the things I aspire to, I need to be healthy. Likewise, after doing this thought experiment, it's clear that I want to be a more present father.
As I stick with the thought experiment, my mind wanders to what people will say about me after I'm gone, when there is no opportunity for me to respond. What will people really say?
Whatever it is, my opportunity to change it is right now---while I still have time. Not all of what people say will be kind, so that means I have some relationships to repair. I can do that now, though. I can be the bigger person. Why? Because it matters to me.
Clarity in Perspective
Evaluating your life through the lens of your death is raw, powerful, and perhaps a bit scary. What matters most becomes clear. We become aware of the gap between who we are and who we want to be.
When you know the destination, how to get there becomes clearer. As Aristotle says, "Knowledge of the best good carries great weight for knowing the best way to live: if we know it, then like archers who have a target to aim at, we are more likely to hit the right mark."
If this thought experiment inspires you to start living more intentionally, you're on the right track. The key is to use this new perspective not just to reflect, but to drive meaningful change in your life. By aligning your daily choices with your deepest values and priorities, you can start closing the gap between who you are and who you want to be.
Remember, the opportunity to do this is now, while you still have time. Don't wait until it's too late to become the person you truly want to be.