Dickens's Hidden Lesson
The quality of what you pursue determines the quality of your life. We think things like money, status, and power will make us happy, but they won't. The moment we get them, we're not satisfied. We just want more. The psychologists Philip Brickman and Donald T. Campbell coined a term for this phenomenon: the hedonic treadmill. Who hasn't taken a run on it?
Social comparison happens all the time. Sometimes it's about possessions like houses or cars, but more often it's about status.
We tell ourselves that the next level is enough, but it never is.
Running on the hedonic treadmill only turns us into what I call "happy-when" people---those who think they'll be happy when something happens. Happy-when people are never actually happy. The moment they get what they think they want---the "when" part of the conditional---having that thing becomes the new norm, and they automatically want more. It's as if they've walked through a one-way door that closes behind them. Once the door closes, they lose perspective. They can't see where they've been, only where they are.
Wisdom requires all the things we've talked about: the ability to keep the defaults in check, to create space for reason and reflection, to use the principles and safeguards that make for effective decisions. But being wise requires more. It's more than knowing how to get what you want. It's also knowing which things are worth wanting---which things really matter. It's as much about saying no as saying yes. We can't copy the life decisions of other people and expect better results. If we want to live the best life we can, we need a different approach.